Emotional intelligence is the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions. To be able to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.

I was called “Nonchalant” from someone I care about. This is a term that has been thrown in my face several times, mostly by men who were interested in me. It wasn’t until then that I realized what the issue was. 

It took this person to say: 

“When I’m mad, you’re supposed to be mad. When you’re mad, I am mad.” 

I giggled and that made the situation worse. 

Then they said, “Take off your fake ass boxers and stop acting like a man.” 

I giggled again and took a long pause to not be rude with my response but to make my point clear.

“You know what, here let me pass you this THONG because obviously my nuts are bigger than yours. Sit back chill and be a model,” I said calmly with a smile on my face.

“Don’t try to degrade me,” he said meanly.

“Look you are emotional; I am rational and that’s the issue. It’s not that I’m nonchalant, someone has to make shit make sense. It’s called being emotionally intelligent. I can’t go on a rollercoaster of emotions with you because you want me to. That’s NOT how I live my life,” I said.

That was it! At that moment I realized I spent my dating career dating men who were not emotionally intelligent. At that moment I realized all the red flags I had been ignoring prior. 

I promised myself I would never waste my time or energy spending a day with another man who was not Emotionally Intelligent. Due to my career starting at such an early age, I had learned a really important lesson… and that was I have the ability to control my emotions and not just mine but others’ emotions as well! Not in a manipulative way, but I decided when I am going to be happy, upset or pissed off. Nobody else in this world can make me have a bad day but me.

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